Category: Dating and Relationships
Sorry for the non descript title, but i couldn't think of any thing lol. I was just wondering if any of u zoners have ever gone over a large distance to meet either a guy or girl, for a romantic relation ship, and what your experience was like?
I'm going to Sweeden to meet someone i've been chatting to for about a year, and it's very possible that it is more then friendship.
thanks for anyone who would share.
Brandon
Personally, I think online relationships are bad news.
There have been several long distance relationships started on the zone that have worked out, even resulting in a few marriages. And by long distance, I'm talking across continents. So it can be done.
Hi. You know what I think. It's a risk, and a huge one. I'm not sure I'd take it, myself. But I know how it is. If you don't do it, you'll always wonder what could have been, and what you might have missed by not doing so. So, be careful, keep your eyes and ears open, watch your back, but go for it. It may work, it may not, but at least you'll have peace of mind.
*tries to watch his back but feels that he can't turn his head far enough*.
Just like anywhere else, some work some don't. I've had two relationships where we met, first one was great but eventually didn't work out for a variety of reasons, still don't regret it and, I think, neither does the girl. Second one was actually much more of years of online friendship that turned romantic overnight practically, resulted in us getting married and having two children (by November we'll have two boys). Apart from not being with my wife at the moment due to work obligations and us moving between countries, things couldn't be better.
I know cross continent couples on the Zone, two married, one engaged, one couple from HotBraille, the precurser to the Zone, also cross continent ending in a marriage.
Then there are numerous relationships where the people never even get to meet in person, some where they meet and don't hit it off and some where the relationship starts and does not last, but that's just like any relationship really.
I mean, going to a club to pick up a girl and start out drunken on a first night is not necessarily more likely to work than online where you at least sort of get to be candid and talk a lot first, you get to know people differently online. The person in real life may turn out very different from online, you may be or pretend ot be a different character online than in real life, you see all sorts everywhere.
Dating co workers is not generally a good idea, good friendship can be ruined by getting romantically involved. Fact is there is no perfect and no awful way to meet someone, you meet, there's attraction and then you choose what, if anything, to do about it. You shouldn't obsess so much over where or how you meet because in the long run it's irrelevant.
I think starting out specifically trying to find romance partners on the Zone may not work that well, more just chat to people and if affection happens explore it,if you wish. There are also numerous difficulties in long distance relationships, who should move if you decide to try it out, how, who pays for it, are you able to afford such a move, just to name a few things.
Cheers, keep the Zone couples coming and let us multiply and take over the world (what a scary place it'd be).
-B
Here's my two cents... There is a certain amount of risk in any situation, whether it be someone you meet locally or long distance via the net or other means. If you meet someone online and you get a lot of voice talk in, phone, skype, etc, and ask the right questions, then it's up to you to decide if it's a good idea to meet or not. I know people who have met online and it's been a lasting thing. But, you may meet someone online, decide to meet in person, and decide that it's not what you're looking for. But there is as much potential danger meeting in the bar down the street than there is meeting online then deciding to meet in person. It's good to be sensible and not rush into meeting someone. But at the same time, you can't be paranoid and assume that every situation will have a negative outcome just because you happened to meet that person online. Likewise, you can't assume it'll be fine just because you meet them in the library or in the park or somewhere. Just make sure you get the info you want from that person so you can make up your mind on a case to case basis. But it's no good to blanket a whole idea with one assumption.
Brandon, here's my pearl of wysdom for you... for what it's worth, which, given the price of pearls lately, may not be that much!
If you decide that you're going to meet this person, then do it with an open mind. If things hit off, then they do. If they go wrong, then at least you've seen a different country. The one thing I would advise though, is to have some kind of retreat; an escape place, if you will. someone I know made the mistake of travelling from London to Canada to meet a man. To cut a long story short, it didn't turn out well, and she spent too weeks being miserable and unhappy, all because she hadn't planned what to do if things went wrong. She stayed in his house, not in a hotel, so didn't have any way of getting away from him.
Remember, especially if you have no sight at all, if you go to these places, you need to have a modicom of independence, or the risk is multiplied.
Sorry that's not better written, but the advice is the same, regardless.
FM
wow what a topic, all I have to say is be careful. Been there, done that. Both times not worked yet, that is okay, cuz well yeah, that is the risk I took.
I'm all for online dating, but, like many have said, be careful. Talk to the person a bit before you start anything else. Keep an open mind. Think of all the possibilities, good and bad. I'm in an online relationship myself actually, and my parents hate it, of course. They say it's not real. I disagree, though. It's real, just as long as you're committed to each other. It's hard, especially when the other person is from a different country, but it can be done. I also think that with an online relationship, the first meeting is that much more special. O, and one more thing. Be careful who you tell. Trust me. I know...
to be honest I think if I ever met someone. I would love to be one of those people that say we met online. I think the early internet sex chat or a lot of chatting back in the day ruined my whole view of today's online dating scene.
I want a australlian chick or maybe a japenese or german chick SHIZ any chick would be niiice . . .
I've tried to resist posting but I'm afraid I can hold out back longer. What is the fascination with people insisting they can have a relationship with someone from another country whom they've never met?! I've had distance-relationships within the UK with people who've moved away (or been based elsewhere) and those are difficult enough to sustain, but at least they've had the benefit of a build-up, some social interaction and opportunities to really "read" each other.
I don't care how often you speak, how often you send gifts or how exclusive you both think you are. Have you formed a connection? Possibly. Made a strong friendship? Definitely. But are you in a relationship? Don't kid yourself. Dating is the essential part of deciding whether you want to pursue something more with somebody, and you can't do that without meeting.
And don't think that I'm just trying to piss on anybody's bonfire: strong friendships with someone we don't meet/haven't met are good, I just think some perspective needs to be applied here. Of course you should travel to meet someone you've formed a friendship with, but as has been said, take all precautions, plan for every eventuality (including alternative accommodation, for God's sake!) and remember it's only a friendship unless something else happens!
I Just wanted to say that I have moved across country for a relastionship with a person that i met online. And although that relationship didn't work out I never regreted the move or the decisions i made at that time. I also have traveled to meet someome I met on the Zone we aren't dating now but we are still very good friends and you never know what might happen in the future. There thats all I had to say yes Long distance relationships are difficult but sometimes theyre worth going for.
I agree. Yes. You need to be committed, and yes. it's hard, but it is possible. It has been proven.
Yes I do believe that they can start out as very good friendships and what ever may happen will happen. It's very hard to.. But first and foremost a very strong connection between two people should be formed.. See where it leads... If you never get to meet, then you can at least say You've connected in a very strong close way with someone. Sometimes the best friendships are the ones that last. And if not, it's still a very good learning experience for both parties involved. HTH
over the net? Well I guess I'm not one of the "bleeding hearts."
hmm. I think the other thing about online relationships is that you shouldn't get too carried away. If you've convinced yourself that it will last, with no questions asked, and it doesn't last, you'll probably be hurt twice as much.
I have a few points to make here:
First, since Canadian Idol's post is fresh in my mind: I think you're right about not setting yourself up for a heartbreak by getting carried away and moving too fast, but that's not just limitted to online relationships. That goes for any romantic relationship, no matter how it starts.
This is what some people don't get, even more so if they've never developed a close friendship with someone they've never met: The people you meet through the Internet, a phone system, or a pen-pal situation, are just as real as the people you know in person. It's all real life, whether people realize it or not. The only difference is that sometimes there's a bit more structure on the Internet, phone systems, etc., in that you can often control exactly who you talk to, how you communicate with them, and how long you take to respond to what they say. Through the use of match-making sites and groups and message boards with specific topics, one can often easily find people who share their same interests and values. And this is why I disagree with Dusty: I started out on phone systems 7 years ago and from there, as well as on the Internet, I've met some very dear friends who I will keep and cherish for life. I've met some people who are more like family to me than half my biological family (there're reasons for that, but that's a story for another day). I've also met some people for whom I've developed strong romantic feelings, a couple very serious, and there are people who I've never met that, if the opportunity arose, I'd consider dating. And I don't think that "dating" absolutely HAS to mean being in the same place. I mean, what do you do on dates? You talk and learn more about the other person so that you can determine whether you could see yourself in a committed relationship. You can do the same thing by talking online or on the phone. In my years on phone systems and online, I've also met some people who I thought were good people, only to find out later that they were not who I thought in the beginning.
But ya know what? All of these scenarios I've just recounted from my experience on phones and the 'Net can happen with people that you meet in person. All of the friendships and romantic feelings that I've had for people online have also happened with people I've met in person. I form relationships with people based on their personality, and I can get as much a sense of that online as I can in person. Yeah, I've been fooled, but you just have to live and learn. It's the same whether you meet someone online or in person: They're either genuine or they're not.
That being said, I do agree that anyone planning to make a big move to a faraway place based on a relationship should really think it through and that, as FM said, you need to have a means of independence wherever you go, but I would say that about any relationship, not just those in which the people have never met.
Namaste,
Becky
Hey,e bman1983, I see that your post is quite old. Have you been to Sweden yet? If so, how'd it turn out?